Foxdogs

The thing is, I like cheeseburgers and I think that a lot of Americans do too.

Around where I live, I can walk three blocks in any direction and find a place that will sell me a cheeseburger and a coke. And that’s a lot like what the major news networks are about; they sell you cheeseburger and coke news.

Then one day, along comes a guy (let’s call him Rupert) who has an idea. “I’ll bet there are a lot of Americans who would like hotdog and root beer news!” he says, stroking his chin with a diabolical chuckle.

And he’s correct; I love a hotdog and a root beer once in a while. As it turns out, lots of Americans prefer hotdog and root beer news. Since Rupert’s the only one that sells that commodity, store for store he’s out-selling the others like gangbusters. That’s right, Foxdogs are number 1. There are a large number of people who only like Foxdogs. And then there are a bunch of folk who like them once in a while, for a change of pace.

But…since there are so many outlets like McCNNburger, Columbia Burgerking System, and Americanjack in the Boxcasting Company, burger news people like me needn’t feel threatened. There’s even something for the veggie burger crowd: MSNBCGardenburger (with TofuMaddow cheese).

The real puzzle here is, why are Foxdogs getting so upset for being labeled by the Whitecastle House for what the are? They are not McCNNburgers, they are Foxdogs. Why can’t they just be happy with what they are? Some times they try to sell us O’Reillydogs repackaged as Brit Humeburgers, but we’re not fooled. (They did try to sell those Bushpizzas for a few years but that just left a nasty taste in everyone’s mouth.)

So what? Foxdogs make a lot of money selling what they are selling. After all, isn’t that their goal? Why be ashamed of it? Instead of bitching about being called out for what they are, Der Beckwiener and the others should be happy with their fat market share.

And would it kill anybody to sell a taco once in a while?