Meg Whitman: Super Liberal!

Steve Poizner: Ultra Hippie!

Jerry Brown: Jerry Brown! 

OMG! The only choices for governor of California are two raging, left wing hippie commie liberals and Jerry Brown. What kind of crazy bizzarro world have I fallen into?

That’s what I was starting to think after seeing all those commercials by Meg and Steve.

One such ad begins, “How Liberal is Steve Poizner?” I thought it was going to have a punch line like, “He’s so liberal he wants to make pot smoking mandatory!” or “ He’s so liberal he’s friended Fidel Castro on Face Book.”

Disappointingly, the actual message is more akin to, “Steve Poizner is so liberal, I actually saw him make a left turn once!” (The horror!)

Then there is Meg  Whitman. “She’s so left wing she wants death panels to apply to everyone, not just old people.”  “She wants to just throw the borders open and let all the illegals come up and take your stuff.” Wow!  It’s as if Barry Goldwater came back from the grave to accuse Ronald Reagan of being a pinko.

Beckett, Pinter, or Ionesco couldn’t have written more absurdist tomes than these people have.

So I go over to Steve and Meg’s websites expecting to see some wild and crazy ideas about how to fix our currant governmental difficulties and wham there it is, the same bumper sticker sound bite slogans about cutting taxes, reducing the size of government and using the National Guard to stop illegal immigration. On both web sites are the exact same ideas, ones that are about as liberal as joining the chamber of commerce or the NRA.  It’s the perfect case of the pot calling the kettle red.

Now, just for a little more head spinning fun, I went over to check Jerry Brown’s site and sure enough, he’s Mr. Law and Order, Attorney General Bad-ass with military school tough love and putting punks in prison bla bla. What? I would’ve never guessed that this was the guy whose nickname used to be “Moonbeam.”

Of course if you spend a little time at these websites you’ll discover the truth about each candidate’s ideology, which is pretty boring. More often than not the ideology gets in the way of actual, workable, possibilities.

I’m sure that whoever wins in the “Meg & Steve Less Liberal Than Thou” sweepstakes is going to spend most of their time beating up on Jerry (and vise-a-versa) until November.

They’ll tell us how their opponent is a communist fascist McCarthyist Marxist who hates themselves and mankind. At least, based upon what I’ve seen so far, that’s what I’m expecting to hear.

Listening to candidates continuously pander to their base is not only a huge drag, it’s a big part of what’s wrong with this country’s political process. They don’t give us solutions, they just tell us what they think we want to hear.

It’s too bad, because I was hoping to hear some real practical plans about how to make California the shining, golden, near utopia it was when I moved here way back in 1981.

It was the land of opportunity, prosperity, facility, individuality, and realization.

Now let me think, who was governor then…

Gasp!  Moonbeam?